The year after Collette died, I had a dandy heart attack. Due to the quick action of a good friend, I got to a hospital in time and survived. Three months later, I had another heart attack in the intensive care unit of the Jubilee Hospital.

While recovering, I had plenty of time to think. I realized that the abysmal state of my health was entirely my own fault. If Collette had known that I was being so irresponsible about my care-giver health, she would have had considerable and pointed advice for me to digest.

I have since learned that it is common for the health of care-givers to become compromised. When the need is there, it is natural to do all that is required for a loved one, but when the need no longer exists, the survivor’s underlying health problems begin to surface. This is exactly what happened to me and to many friends who also cared for loved ones in a state of self-imposed isolation.

Sometimes, help for care-givers can be difficult to find. I am certain that had I contacted Hospice earlier in Collette’s illness, my health problems might have been less dramatic. I know, now, that Hospice volunteers go willingly into homes to relieve care-givers.

Caring for a loved one whose life has been shortened is challenging work. The emotions, the worry, the uncertainty about treatment, the care of children, and the isolation are sometimes more than any person can bear. I know this pattern and feel deeply for anyone else in this situation.

I talk to people about the reality of my health status/care-giver experience in case they might face a similar situation. We want to do the best for our loved ones, but unless we are physically able to carry out our responsibilities, we will not be of much help.

Most of us know care-givers or bereaved friends who just need a little encouragement to live a healthier lifestyle. Take them out to lunch, let them talk, offer no advice, express concern about their health in a careful gentle way and spend some meaningful time together. If ever there is a time in a person’s life when understanding, acceptance, and a respectful attitude are necessities, this is the time. Some- times, it is helpful to share your own health experiences as a casual way to begin the conversation about maintaining health.